I don’t have the words…

I have really been struggling with words lately.  I have so many things that I have wanted to share but I can’t seem to actually get them out on paper.  When last I wrote, I was so excited about the changes that were taking place in our house...our Master Bathroom was finally being redone.  That was months ago.  I have not had the chance to actually show you the exciting results.  Our journey changed so quickly over the last months that I really feel like I am just now coming up to breathe.  I hope to be able to share a little from our journey of the last few months, but here is the “Cliffs Notes” version:

• We finished our Master bathroom…Yay!
• We found out our favorite neighbors were moving.  Boo!
• We offered to buy their house – Yay!
• There was another offer on the house...from another friend and neighbor – Boo!  (I did not want any bad feelings in the neighborhood and was afraid this would just end badly.)
• The other buyers would not need to sell their home, so they had first chance at buying the house.  We had to work on ALL our planned summer projects in one month to get the house ready to sell – before we could find out if the other neighbors were going to buy the house.  - Boo!
• Our friends let us know early they were not going to buy the house.  (I can’t really say “Yay!” because I know it made them sad.  But I was very thankful to them for being so thoughtful toward us to let us know as soon as they made their decision.  It gave us extra time to try to successfully sell our house.)
• Scramble to get the house ready for listing, and then take a week to fine tune for the open house…Oh, never mind…get the house ready the first day – you have two showings!  -  Yay! and What???
• Field 10 showings (and an open house) in two weeks and accept an offer on our house. 

No one expected our house to sell as quickly as it did.  It was an amazing blessing, but it also came as a shock to everyone involved.  There were many tears shed at different times by everyone involved in this process.  In some ways, I felt like I was stealing my friends’ beloved home from them.  Then, the first week we lived in our new home, two people very dear to me died.  My feelings the first two weeks in this house were painful.  It has been a difficult transition.

We have been in the house for one month now, and although I LOVE the house, it has been hard not to feel like we are on vacation in someone else’s home.   I have struggled with feelings of guilt over having such a nice home, but I am learning some things about myself in that process.  It is that learning process that I have not had the words to express.  I am hoping to be able to share more about that in the weeks to come, and hopefully get those “After” pictures up of our amazing Master Bathroom redo in our old house.  Those pictures serve as a reminder of where our old house started and that we made it OUR home.  This house will be the same.  As we are able to add our own touches to this house, it will truly become our home.  I am praying for my friends that they will find that feeling of “home” in their new house, too.

New beginnings…they aren’t always easy – but there is that spark of hope that there is good to be had in that faint horizon.  There were signs all along this journey that God had plans for us in this house.  Those little signs that God is at work are what give me hope for the future.  I don’t know what I would do without that hope.