Hello Mornings

I have still been involved with the accountability group for the Hello Mornings challenge, but the summer has looked much different than the rest of the year.  I have failed in almost every aspect of doing this challenge that you could.  When I struggled through sickness last winter, I lost my momentum and never really got it back.  My normal reaction to such failure is to quit.  I mean, if it isn’t working, why keep trying?  So why am I planning to keep going in the Fall?  Because it has still had a positive affect on my life.

I Read My Bible More

One “success” that I have definitely had through the encouragement of this group is time reading the Bible.  When I am in a routine, I find time to read the Bible easily.  I love to have those quiet times of reading and reflection.  I enjoy the mental stimulation of pulling apart each section of the reading to learn from it and I gain a sense of peace that seems to carry me throughout the day. There have been so many times in my life, though, that I just got overwhelmed with my day to day activities.  When that happens, I find myself putting out fires that I had not anticipated and important things like reading the Bible get left out…especially if I happen to be reading through the genealogies in the Old Testament.  Directly as a result of the other women posting their study thoughts each day, I was constantly reminded while on Facebook (a great time sucker!) to get back to what was important.  I got back into my Chronological Reading plan, stealing little moments of reading throughout the day.  I was actually reading more than the plan calls for each day.  At first, I was a little discouraged that I wasn’t getting any really cool insights.  Then one night I realized that since I had started reading the Bible consistently again I was thinking more clearly.  I was remembering teaching moments, prayers and song lyrics that had spoken to me over the previous months right when I needed to remember them.  I was choosing more wisely how to spend my time and I was more willing and able to take action on the unpleasant things that needed to be done without having to give myself a pep talk.  (Been there?)  As with the Bible in 90 Days challenge, when I read my Bible I was more open and receptive to hearing God’s voice. 

I Learn From the Group

I have been so encouraged by the others in the group as we all stumble through this together. It is very encouraging to know that everyone else has rough spots, too. We all fail. We all fall short of our goals for ourselves. But we are all learning things as we go. We are encouraging one another as we go. One person posted a song called “Holy Captivating” that was particularly touching for her one day, and I had never really heard anything by the artist – Nicole C. Mullen. Not only have I played that song countless times since hearing it that day, but my daughter has decided another of Mullen’s songs is her favorite, too.  It is really encouraging to hear your 7 year old singing, “When I call on Jesus all things are possible!” at the top of her lungs.

God’s Voice is More Clear

Even when I don’t get up on time, exercise or have a long quiet time in the morning, I have still had a focus on reading the Bible and praying throughout the day. One of the times I was praying at the end of the last session, a line from the song above ran through my head.

“I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself.  I could choose not to move, but I refuse.” 

The song is actually referring to reaching out to lost and hurting people, but that day it convicted me about my life at home. I can’t tell you how many times I have refused to do something at home because I thought it was someone else’s job. I don’t think it was always a conscious decision, but as a direct result of hearing this song I was convicted that I was sitting around and waiting for someone else to do the hard jobs.  I got motivated and cleaned out a cooler in June that had been sitting around for months! It is amazing the freedom that comes when you just get done that thing that has been bugging you. It also is amazing the kind of momentum that gets going when you refuse to “just sit around and wait for someone else.”  Not only did I get moving, but Ryan did, too.  We have had an amazingly productive summer – getting things done that have been on our “to do” list for years.

The other example of how reading the Bible has made me more “in tune” with God was a time when God brought to my memory a quote from a seminar.  I had attended a Homeschool Convention in May that included some classes by Kirk Martin of Calm Christian Parenting.  He had some really good insights.  One morning, as the children decided to all have meltdowns while I was in the shower and could not “control” them, I was reminded of a quote from Martin.  “You can only control one person and that is yourself.”  What perfect timing!  I could have gotten upset, and gone in there with an angry outburst of my own, but God was giving me time to step back and be the peacemaker instead of escalating the situation with my own anger.  (This is something we have been working on with the kids.  I will ask them, “Are you being a peacemaker, or are you escalating the situation and making it worse?”)  I am so grateful that He helped me to see a time that I was about to make things worse!

As for my “failure,” I think another line from a Josh Wilson song sums it up quite nicely.  “How can I come to the end of me and somehow still have all I need.”  God is everything I need for life.  If I focus on Him, everything else always falls into place.

So, I am excited to start the Fall session of Hello Mornings.  Not because I have grand visions of being "successful" in meeting all my goals this time, or of conquering all my shortcomings from the past, but because I know I will be changed through the focus on prayer and Bible reading and the mutual encouragement that comes from being accountable to others.  If I am able to accomplish my goals, I will take that, too!

Hello Mornings - Messy Middle

I think I have referred to the "Messy Middle" before.  It is a term I first heard from Donna Otto at Homemaker's By Choice.  She described how she likes to start something new - it is fun and you are full of anticipation.  She also likes to finish something - it brings the sense of accomplishment that you have achieved something.  But, the phase of hard work in between the starting and the finishing is the "messy middle."  It is that place where things are not so fun or exciting, that place of monotony and challenge that you have to work through if you are to reach that place of finishing strong.

This is exactly where I have found myself in the Hello Mornings challenge.  I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person.  So when I jumped into this challenge, I did so with complete abandon.  I was surprised how good it felt to be getting up in the morning, reading my Bible and exercising. When I faced the kids in the morning, it was with a cheerful attitude - even if they interrupted me or were misbehaving.  The afternoons were not so pretty, as I was exhausted from poor discipline in the evenings.  I was still staying up way too late.  Still, I felt I was succeeding. 

Then, my knees started hurting from the morning exercise...

Then, I gave myself the weekend to recover from my late nights and lack of discipline... 

Then, I got sick...

The days I made myself push through and get up, I ended up feeling ill the whole day - dizziness, headaches, nausea.  So, I let myself have a break; but I felt like a failure.  I did not give up on the idea, and still have not.  But my momentum is gone.  I am starting over.  Only this time, I am missing that sense of starting something new, and instead have the discouragement from my failure to perform.  This has been really difficult for me, and yet I am so thankful I "failed." 

Why?  Well, if this is going to be a long term change, I will fail.  I will have times when I cannot find the strength to do what I know I want to do.  And during these last few weeks, I have received so many encouragements from unrelated sources that show me that I can survive the low periods and NOT GIVE UP.  That is the only thing that can  stop this positive change God wants to perform in my life - if I give in to the voice of the accuser (did you know that is what Satan means?) telling me, "You failed.  It is over."

Here's the thing.  God hasn't given up cheering for me from the sidelines.  He is still there supporting me.  And He doesn't care if I win or lose this "game".  If I "fail" at this Hello Mornings Challenge, He still wants me to try.  What he cares about is how I play.  If it were just my efforts that mattered I may win the game, I may lose it, but the Hello Mornings Challenge is not what matters.  The character that God wants to work in my life is what matters.  Jesus paid the price for my life.  I will NEVER perform well enough or consistently enough to win every challenge.  I will NEVER be righteous enough to make it into heaven on my own merit.  I need Jesus to play the game for me.  That doesn't mean that I just don't try anymore - it means that I try my best and allow Him to pick me up when I fall.  That is hard for me.  I want to do it on my own.  I want to perfect my game and succeed on my own terms.  If I could do that, though, I would not need Him. I don't ever want to get to the place where I believe that I don't need Him.  I want to get to the place where I am absolutely dependent on Him.  For that reason, I am so glad I failed.  So glad that He has continued to encourage me when He knows I would rather quit and accept defeat.

There are also reasons that I hate that I failed, so I will talk about those next time.  But I will leave this time with one of the encouraging words I read that came from a discussion about budgeting, of all things. 

"Victory Over the Lack of Discipline

  Discipline and self-control must be applied one day at a time.  If you can establish one daily discipline and stick with it for three weeks, you will form a new habit that will lead to the ability to become more disciplined in every area of your life.
  A spiritual battle will be waged to keep you from believing that you can be disciplined.  The Enemy wants to rob you of the fruit of the Holy Spirit and cause you to constantly feel defeated when it comes to areas of weakness.  Make this a matter of daily prayer, asking God to help you live one day at a time, to give you self-control and perseverance.
  Like any endeavor, you may experience discouraging setbacks, frustrations or obstacles.  That is when you must not give in to the temptation to quit.  It will be far more encouraging at the end of the year if it simply takes you longer or a few more attempts to achieve your goals than if you had quit early on."

Chuck Bentley, Crown Do Well Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 1, article Stay the Course, italics added.

Hello Mornings - A Month In

There is one song that I did not include in my last update about this challenge. I am glad, though.  The experiences that I have had over the last few weeks have confirmed some of the things that this song made me realize about this challenge. Here is the update I posted on the day I listened to this song:

My favorite Song today:

Definition of Me - Steven Curtis Chapman
(The link above goes to a video, though I don't like the version.  The link I included at the time on Facebook was much better, but has been removed from YouTube.)

"Here come those little thoughts
of all I ought to be but I'm not
I try talking to myself
but I'm still not convinced
I'm good, I'm bad, I'm everything in between
I'm this, I'm that, but really God we both know

It is Your love that defines me
and Your love that reminds me
it's not what I do"

When I was listening to this, I knew it was "Your love that reminds me," but I kept hearing it, "Your love that REFINES me, it's not what I do."

This whole process is a refinement, and it was such a comfort to realize that it is not MY EFFORTS that are refining me, but the power of JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT'S work in my life that are making any change possible.

I have come to the realization that I can, by sheer willpower, make changes in my everyday schedule. The real reason I am doing this, though, is not just to have more order in my life, but to put Jesus first. I want to look at Him, my husband and my children as being more important than myself. The reason I thought, "I don't want to live like this" in the past was not just because I was tired but because I was spiritually weary. I was not receiving strength from my times with God and therefore was walking through life on my strength alone. It takes it's toll on my patience, on my level of self-discipline, on my energy - every area of my life. Kat, from Inspired to Action where the Hello Mornings Challenge originated, visited our Facebook group and posted something that worded it perfectly for me.

"But this isn't about trying harder, really. This is simply about putting ourselves in a position to hear Him and receive His grace to be the best moms we can be." 

Amen!

Here are some thoughts I have jotted down at random times over the last few weeks:

John 15:5 - "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

This verse confirmed to me my feelings on willpower. Yes, I can power through this challenge; but it will not change my heart. If I remain in Christ, not only will my schedule change, but I will change. The week after I heard this verse at church, my Pastor said something like this, "Happy thoughts will not help you...they may get you through the moment, but they won't change you.  But hope - that changes us." My hope is not just for my mornings, it is that I will be transformed by the power of God into someone who is more like Jesus.  My hope is that when I step into Heaven, I will really have done everything I can to hear the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

2 Peter 1:5-9 - "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."

 I need to "make every effort" to make the changes that I feel God is asking me to, so there is discipline involved. I want this to be a life change, but that doesn't mean I just want to get up at 6am for the rest of my life.  I want the commitment of obedience to Christ to be my life change.

As I was considering these areas of change , I ran across an article about an amazing story about an Olympic athlete. I was impressed and wanted to learn more about him personally. It was very sad for me to learn that this person's marriage had ended because of their infidelity.  Why is it that people of such strong discipline in some areas - physical, professional, etc - can be so very lacking in the disciplines of character?  I think it is because we can have self discipline without relying on God to change us from the inside out.  I want Him to change my character, my values, my heart - until I want what He wants.  This journey, for me, began long before I can remember and it will continue probably for the rest of my life.

Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

I am still impatient with my kids.  I am still not getting enough rest.  I am still not so great at getting up.  I worry about facing the times I am sick or I am traveling.  Will I even have the desire to obey at those times?  I don't know.  What I do know is that He has begun a good work in my life, and I trust Him to finish it.

Hello, Mornings!

So, I've started it - the Hello Mornings Challenge. I know that it may come as a shock to those of you who don't know me, but I usually get up late every morning. Yep, my dear husband has been the one who gets up and takes the kids every morning while I sleep in. I only have to get up when he leaves for work, or his home office. I have been spoiled.

Ryan and I have always agreed that I would take any child-related duties until about 4am, He would take them between 4am and 7am. He ended up feeding them breakfast because he was used to eating early. As the kids got older, we started having late night/early morning visitors who knew Mom would have mercy on them and let them get into the bed. I didn't get much peace until they went to eat with Dad. It got to the point where I would wait until he was feeding them to actually sleep peacefully for an hour or more. I was sleeping way too late, and waking up to crazy activity that I was too groggy to deal with. I have been trying to change this for a long time, but I was not having any success. I thought, "When I train myself to go to bed earlier, then I will get up early." or "I will set my alarm for a half hour earlier and try to work my way back." I also wasn't sure what to do when I got up. I wanted to use the time to read my Bible, but sitting on the couch quietly was guaranteed to put me back to sleep. A nice hot shower was out of the question, as well. I wanted to be exercising more, eating right, planning my days, doing cleaning projects...the list was endless. What was I going to implement as my daily routine?

Enter the Hello Mornings challenge from Kat at Inspired to Action, and my good friend Jen. Jen told me months ago about how good the challenge had been for her, and suggested I check out the website. I loved the idea of "waking up FOR your children, not TO your children." Waking up FOR your children means being ready for them when they get up, waking up TO your children was the crazy activity I was already experiencing. I looked forward to finding information that would help me do that, but never did check it out. A few weeks ago, Jen invited me to do the challenge with her and I immediately agreed. I was added to a Facebook group for the purpose of accountability.

I was not optimistic about my ability to get up early, so I wanted to try this out before the challenge started so that I would have a head start. I set my alarm for 6:30 and planned to make the change! I had heard someone talking about their prayer times while walking/exercising and I thought, "Of course! Do quiet time while exercising!" So, I even knew what I would do when I got up. The first day? FAIL. There was a child in the bed when I woke up and I rushed to turn off the alarm so they would not wake up. Second day? FAIL. Two children in the bed when I awoke. I took a break for the weekend and decided to try again Monday.

Sunday night I asked Ryan if he thought I would beat the kid traffic if I set the alarm for 6:00 instead. I decided to try it. First day? SUCCESS. Wow. I was surprised. Second day? Stayed up too late the night before and still, SUCCESS. Third day, stayed up too late again and still, SUCCESS. I knew that exercise upon waking was going to be important, but who knew that setting the alarm earlier than I thought I could get up would end up being good for me? Yes, it is only day six, and only 6 am. But I have not missed a day yet. The peace and encouragement I have felt are worth it, the accountability is motivating, and the duration of the challenge is long enough to help this be a lasting good habit. Who knows, maybe I will

I thought I would end with some of the thoughts and songs I have shared with my accountability group. I hope you find some encouragement for whatever YOU are working on in your life, too.


Facebook Updates:

Day 1 - I am on the treadmill right now...I am shocked. Gonna do some Bible reading now. =0)
Day 3 - I can remember thinking over the last year, late at night when I finally got to bed, "I don't want my life to be like this!" I never got up early enough in the morning, never exercised, and wasn't eating right. Since the first, I have been keeping track of what I eat and have noticed a difference in how I feel. Then, this morning, I was getting ready to get on the treadmill and I thought, "Some people live like this. They do this every day!" It was so peaceful to wake up in the morning and I thought, "I want my life to be like this." I will have to remember this over the next few months, because I know this challenge will be harder for me as time goes on.
Day 5 - I was reading the Hello Mornings ebook yesterday, and I am glad I did. If I had not read the lines, "Get out of bed...Tell yourself that's all you have to do," I don't think I would have made it today.

Songs that spoke to me this week, along with some lyrics from them:

This is Your Life, by Out of Eden

"This is your life God knows what it's meant to be
Know you've got a destiny; time is now so won't you see
This is your life no more waiting to begin
Have some faith and know you'll win...

Put on your best foot and step forward
Knowing that God will see you through
So when you get tired and you feel a little faint
Know somebody's watching you and will help you on your way."

Strong Enough, by Matthew West

"I know that I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be....Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough...for both of us"

One Heartbeat at a Time, by Steven Curtis Chapman  (If you're a Mom, just listen to the whole thing!)

Misunderstood

I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I don't.  It went something like this, "If you are going to live for Christ, you have to be willing to be misunderstood." One of my dearest friends, Andi, shared with me this quote which she had been challenged by.  I just remember thinking, "Wow!  That is hard."  This whole idea of being misunderstood is still hard for me.

I love words.  Anyone that knows me knows that I will tell the whole backstory to any little thing just so you understand why I am telling you about something.  I remember my first Christmas with my husband's family...I think I wore some of them out trying to share with them why some of the items he gave me were so funny.  I just wanted them to know a little about me, a little about us.  They lived far away and didn't really get to see us in our new life together, and they didn't really know me at all.  In addition to backstory, I also tend to replay past conversations in my head trying to find what else I could have said to get my point across more effectively.  I think I want to learn from those conversations so I don't make the same mistake again.

I realized after my last post that if my blog is going to reflect me, and my relationship with Christ, I am going to have to be okay with the fact that I am not perfect and with people possibly misunderstanding my words or motives.  My last post referenced a song that I love.  It is a reminder to me of the reason I work at my marriage, and why I need to be diligent in guarding my thoughts and actions in every area.  Although I usually think about my posts for quite a while and edit and re-edit them over and over (I am currently on my fourth time reading through this one, and this is just a note in my iPod right now!), in that post I thought I would share what I was thinking without the barrage of edits and re-writes.  When I looked the next day, I had a few comments.  One was from a friend that was a great reminder along the lines of the adage "when you point the finger at someone else, there are three more pointing at you".  I don't think she meant it as a rebuttal of anything I had said, but I immediately thought, "oh, that is not what I meant by...". I went back and typed up a comment that explained the "back story".  I still think that my heart in the whole matter could be misunderstood if you were reading my blog from a different background or point of view.  So, in five years you may find me with a thoughtful look on my face...I will be trying to figure out what my post or follow up comment should have said.

Am I okay with being misunderstood?  It  was a little surprising to me to find that I am still struggling with that question.  Who knew I still wanted everyone to be happy with me and to like me?  Didn't that insecurity end with adulthood?  Shouldn't it have ended when I realized I was blessed and contented with my life?  I guess not.

So, I just want to say:  I am going to write what I think and what I feel.  I will not always be right.  I may sound judgmental. I once took a character test to see who I was most like in the Bible...I didn't even know who Deborah was, at the time. She was a judge, and I can't say that I am really surprised that answer came up for me. I see issues in black and white, so sounding judgemental when I talk about them is just one of the rough spots God is still working on in me.  While I see issues in black and white, I don't see people that way.  I may disagree with you, but I will still accept you.  I may heatedly debate a point, only to see your side later.  It is just the way my mind works.  I am always open to feedback that I will carry into my prayer closet and ask God about.  I trust Him to guide me into all truth, even if it turns out that I was wrong about something.

So, I will keep writing.  I will keep sharing my thoughts.  Just don't be surprised if you see them change and shift over time.  God isn't finished with me, yet, and I am so grateful for his patient guidance.

Bible in 90 Days - What was it like?

I did not intend for my 90 days of Bible reading to turn into a 90+ day sabbatical from blogging, but that is what it turned into.  It was not all because of the dedication to reading, though that did take up much of my time.  I just found to be true what my husband said before I started - "You are going to have to give something up."  Blogging is just one of those things I gave up.

So, what was it like?  Well, reading the Bible in 90 days was, in a word, intense!  It was overwhelming, wonderful, difficult, enlightening and joyful.  Although I gave things up that I enjoy in order to read, I am so glad that I did it.  I did fall behind from time to time, and on the last week I was two weeks behind schedule.  I did some really intense reading and finished on my deadline.  I did mess up my deadline, though.  For some reason, I had put in April 4th, instead of April 2nd.  So, technically, I did the reading in 92 days!  I wanted to write down some of the thoughts that I had about the experience so that I would remember it.  I am also hoping that it might be an encouragement to someone else to take the challenge on, even if they think it will be hard.  Here are some of my reflections on this time:

• There is a LOT of repetition in the Bible
  
  I knew that Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all told the same story in different ways, and from different perspectives, but I don't know that I put together how much of the Old Testament repeats the same information in different ways.  I read a lot on my iPod (more on that, later) and I found that it was better to start new books by reading the synopsis of the purpose of the book in my Study Bible before reading the whole book.  It helped to frame out what the book was and why it was important, so I knew why I was reading about the same King for the third time!
• I don't need an "Aha!" moment every time I read the Bible for it to affect my life
  
  I am used to reading the Bible for study purposes or to meditate on it.  I would get really disappointed if I didn't feel I had gotten some sort of revelation from my time reading.  In this challenge, I had to let go of that because I had to just try to keep up with the reading.  What I found, though, was that just reading the Bible each day affected my attitudes, my speech, my thought life...It really brought home that God's Word is truly alive and active (Heb 4:12).  My mind does not have to understand it any better for it to change my life.
• I never found my "groove"
  
  When I began this challenge, I was hoping that I would be forced to find a time in my day that would be consistent to read.  Instead, I found that I had to find time wherever I could.  I sometimes had to make decisions to skip housework in the evenings to catch up, or grab my iPod whenever I could get a few words read; but I never did really find a consistent reading time.  I also learned, though, that that is okay.  If all I can do is read a little every chance I get, it is enough!
• I could not have done it without support. 
  
  Ryan was a great supporter during this time.  He did extra housework for me and encouraged me when I wasn't sure how I would catch up.  The last night that I read, Ryan actually took over all the night time duties with the kids so that I could finish.
  I am also so glad that I had to be accountable.  I am grateful for my team leader, Laura, and Amy at Mom's Toolbox who provided the challenge and check-in opportunities.  I would never have finished without them.

• Tools
  
  As I said, before, I read a lot of my readings on my iPod.  I found a website and iPod app called "You Version."  I was able to sign up for the "Bible in 90 Days" reading plan right from their website and it would check off the chapters for me as I read them on my iPod.  You can also change the dates for the reading plans to customize them even further.  There were a few glitches with getting started and using the app, but overall it was a great help.  I would have liked having the plan from You Version printable, but I was able to print the copy from Mom's toolbox.  I found that keeping the printed reading plan in multiple places was helpful.  I had Bibles in different parts of the house and it was helpful to have a copy of the reading plan with it to help me remember approximately where I was.
• The pressure of not finishing is gone!
  
  I have tried to read the Bible cover to cover so many times and never actually finished.  Upon finishing the 90 days, Ryan and I began reading through the Bible together on the Chronological plan and I am finding there is not the same pressure to "perform" as I have had in the past.  I am not afraid of not finishing.  I am not afraid I won't be able to do it.  If I fall behind, I know I can catch up - I have done it now on a much tighter schedule.  I also am finding that I am putting people and places together more than I have before.  Reading it all in such a tight time frame gives a perspective on people and places because you have not forgotten the background and history before you move on to the next parts of the Bible.

I enjoyed this experience on so many levels.  I am covering Greek history with Princess in school right now, and it was amazing to read through the New Testament while reviewing the history of the time period.  It changed the experience of reading it.  There were also times that I read things and thought, "Wow!  The kids just asked me about that and now I have an answer from the Bible that I can point them to."  Ryan and I chose the Chronological plan this time because I want to see how the overlapping history of the Old Testament looks side by side.  We are about one month in, and I can already tell it is going to be a good experience for us both.  I am excited to see what the experience will bring out of God's Word this time around.

In the time I have been "gone" from my little bloggy world, so many things have happened!  I look forward to sharing some of the things we have done around here over the last few months, as we have had some good times.  I also have been using the last month to read some of the books I skipped out on during my Bible reading months, so I hope to share my thoughts on those, too.  Ah...it is good to be back!

Bible in 90 Days challenge

I had decided in December that I was not going to make any resolutions for the new year.  I just wanted to refocus on the goals I was already working toward.  So, no real changes...just back to life after vacation.  There are a few areas I will continue to focus on:  Making sure to actually eat during the day, paying attention to our budget so that we can plan better, planning my time instead of reacting, and getting the schoolroom more organized and streamlined.  As January approached, I read from Amy at Raising Olives about reading the Bible in 90 days.  I had never heard of that reading plan before.  I was intrigued.  I decided to check it out.

My first reaction to the idea of reading the Bible in 90 days was that if I started it, I may actually get through the Bible in a year.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I thought maybe this was a good idea for me.  Here are some of the questions and thoughts that have come up as I embark on this challenge.

Why read the entire Bible, just to say you did it?  - Although I have not actually read the Bible cover to cover, this is not the primary reason why I am reading it.  I think that we are affected by everything that we put into our minds - TV, movies, books, magazines, even conversations we have with others.  I have had a difficult time really studying the bible, of late, so I haven't been reading very much of it at all.  I liked the idea of reading "straight through from Genesis to Revelation, just a like a novel."  This is not a study program, it is a reading program.  I think this is good because we are told in 1 John 4:1 to "test the spirits" to see if they are of God; but how are we to know if something lines up with the word of God if we are not familiar with it?  I want to read the whole Bible so that I will be familiar with the word of God, so  I will know Him more fully.

Why try to finish in 90 days?  As I said before, I hoped that by setting the goal of 90 days I would actually finish sometime this year.  However, as I have read more, and started the challenge, I think I might actually make my goal of 90 days.  One of the reasons for this is just my nature.  When I have a difficult deadline, I usually accomplish more.  I think that is why I liked my accelerated degree program when I was in college and why I find life easier with three children than just two (most days... *smile*).  I also signed up early enough to have a mentor, which builds in accountability.  I need this!  Knowing that I have a group of people doing this with me, and that I need to check in every week, gives me motivation.  I love that they are encouraging whether you are up to date or not.  Amy at Mom's Toolbox, whose blog is the hub of this challenge, took 97 days to read it the first time.  My mentor, Laura, fell behind and ended up reading about 2/3 in 30 days.  So, I know that I will not be condemned if I fall behind.

When I told my husband that I wanted to do this challenge, his response was, "You are going to have to give something up."  He is right...I will have to give up time spent on other things to accomplish this.  I think this will be good, too.  I have wanted to have a consistent quiet time, but have not found my groove with that.  It takes 20 days to make a habit, so I am hoping 90 days will really make it stick!

I don't really think of this as a "resolution," but it is a commitment.  I am four days into the challenge, and I am really enjoying it.  It is not too late to join, there is plenty of time to catch up or go a few days over the end date set.  If you are interested in learning more, you can visit the FAQ page at Mom's Toolbox to see how to link up.  I don't think there are mentor groups to join, but I think you still check in on the main page.  They also have connections through Twitter and Facebook that are helpful reminders.  If you do decide to do the challenge, let me know.  I would love to have some friends do it with me.

Happy Birthday to Me!

This is a little late, as the internet was down last night on my actual birthday, but I decided to post it anyway!  =0)

Many years, on my birthday, I have received "presents" from God.  For example, one year I was really upset because it was evening and my birthday had passed with no real celebration.  I had prayed before my birthday that the night would be clear, because I had fallen in love with the starry skies of Texas and I missed them.  I thought it would be neat to look up at a starry sky for my birthday, even though it would be a much smaller bit of sky.  Instead, it had been a cold, rainy and uneventful day.  I was getting ready to go to bed for the night, and was quite upset.  My mother came to my door and asked if I wanted to go out for ice cream.  I thought it might be a way of cheering up, so I agreed to go.  When we got outside, the skies were totally clear and full of stars.  Isn’t that just like God?  He answered my prayer when I least expected it.

I have often prayed that God would give me something special for my birthday, something just between me and Him.  This year, I asked a little late, but realized that I had a really cool present from him this year.

Did you know that today is the first Sunday of Advent?  Yep, it is early this year because Christmas is on a Saturday.  Up until last year, I don’t think I would have known anything about that, but Advent has come to be really special to me.  I heard a podcast series last year from Homemaker’s by Choice that was helping Moms create traditions with their families that helped to keep Christ at the center of Christmas.  I got some books on Advent and got a few things to help us begin building traditions together.  The one thing I liked that I didn’t get was an advent wreath.  It was decorated in each section to announce what that week of Advent was to celebrate.   I was so excited to learn that the first Sunday of Advent was on my birthday that I hadn’t thought until yesterday to look and see which area it was supposed to focus on.  I decided to look for the advent wreath and see if I could find out.  Well I did find it, and the focus for week one is on the Prophecies and promise of Christ coming, the Hope of his birth.  That made this “present” from God even more special.  I have struggled at times with believing Him with hope and expectation.  How cool is it that I learned so much about advent last year?  It is almost like it was preparing me to be able to enjoy this gift from God.  The fact that it involves hope and expectation is so encouraging to me.  I really want to believe Him with hopeful expectation at all times, and it is so nice to have this day of my birth celebrated with this reminder of hope that comes from the day of His birth.  What a gift!

Some other fun stuff from my birthday:

Pookie – “I yike (s)prinkles!”

Princess - I'm the love! – Little Man was talking with Ryan about being the “We” on the cake, not the “Mom.”  Princess decided she was the heart.

Little Man – “Gazumpa!” trying to say “gesundheit”

Ryan said he was proud of the cake he made.  Princess said, “It was the best you ever made because of my help.”

I'm Sorry...I Forgive You

"What is the secret to a long and happy marriage?"
"I'm Sorry. I forgive you."

I am pretty sure it was while watching the Duggars on TLC (I don't know if they had 17, 18 or 19 kids at that point!) that I heard the above quote, but I loved it. Jim Bob Duggar had asked an Amish man the question, and that was his response. It is so simple, but so true.

The other day, I had a chance to practice both parts of that answer, and I realized how hard it can really be. We have had our fair share of apologies in our marriage, but to be honest we don't have a lot of arguments. I think of us as being really happy in our marriage. What I realized the other day, though, is that it can be in the little hurts and offenses that we can lose our connection with each other. We have little bad habits that hurt and frustrate each other - sometimes we are even frustrated with ourselves. It was one of these habits that gave us the chance to practice our ability to be humble and forgiving.

I am NOT a morning person...I hate mornings - especially loud mornings. I like to sleep in, and I like it to be quiet when I do wake up. That doesn't happen - it cannot be expected to happen in a house with three small children. My DH does not necessarily like getting up early, either - but he wakes up earlier than I do. From the beginning of our marriage He would just about ALWAYS get up and be showered and leaving for work by the time I got up. After having children, he kept his normal routine and fed the kids when he would eat breakfast. Now, he is ready and has the kids dressed and fed before I am up. (I KNOW!!! How blessed am I???) This is great in the sense that I have been blessed with such a wonderful husband, but not so great in the sense that I have never built my own routine for the morning with the kids. So, I feel really out of place if I am left to fend for myself in the mornings. It frustrates me that I have not gotten better about getting up early enough to be with my family all together in the morning, and we both have not gotten better about getting to bed at a reasonable time consistently. (If you were one of the ones I talked to at the beginning of the year, when I was getting up before the kids woke up...yeah, that died with all the trips we took. The kids are now consistently getting up WAY earlier, and I am consistently getting to bed way later...and I was doing so well for a while there!)

On the day in question, my DH got upset with me for not being ready for church when I should have been. We had talked the night before about maybe not going - we had had a very long day followed by a long drive that night and the kids were exhausted. Upon waking, I looked at the time and figured that it was late and we were not going that day. My DH, however, was planning on attending. So, he was ready, the kids were ready, and he felt like I had left him to do all the work on his own and I was not even ready so I could go with them. We had a few words, and he decided to go with the kids. I decided that I didn't want to go anywhere.

"Without Faith it is impossible to please God" Hebrews 11:6
What happened next really reminded me of the verse above. I had decided to start my day, but was not planning on attending church. Then, I had the simple thought, "Consider others as better than yourselves." (Phil 2:3) I started to think about that...what does that really mean? Who had I been thinking of that morning? If I were thinking of my husband and children, I would have asked him what he was planning instead of assuming that we were not going. I would have acted differently when we did talk that morning. So, I changed my mind and got to church as quickly as I could. Meanwhile, my DH was having similar thoughts. He was thinking of what he should have been focused on.

I still felt tension when we were together, so I tried to talk to him when we got home, and a few other times, but we didn't really resolve anything and I was hurt that it felt like I was trying to fix things and he didn't care. The next day, I brought it up again - ready to defend myself for the things I felt he took the wrong way. He then said that he realized he needed to apologize to me. It was completely disarming. The things I wanted to defend myself about no longer mattered. That simple and genuine, "I'm Sorry" saved us a long discussion and argument, and reminded me of the things I needed to apologize to him for.

It seems I learned a long time ago that sometimes, even when we are offended or hurt by someone, it may be that we still need to apologize to them for something we have done. It is hard to do that, and humbling. Somewhere along the way I forgot to be aware of that, and to look for what the other person is seeing. I hope the next time we have a misunderstanding that I will remember to look for what I may have done to cause it, instead of automatically being on the defensive.

I believe that a happy marriage pleases God. I believe a broken marriage breaks his heart. I can see how God showed up in our situation because of our faith and enabled us to do the things that would please Him. I am so grateful that God shows up in these everyday ways...I can only imagine what this situation would have looked like if we did not have faith, and did not have God convicting us of our own errors in dealing with each other.

I think that Amish gentleman really had it right. "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you" may be the most important words that we say in our marriage.

How Will They Remember Me?

Every time I make a decision how to spend something, time or money or energy, I tend to second guess myself. That was definitely the case at lunch the other day.

So, we were getting ready for lunch. The kids were all around the table, and I was getting the food ready. I decided to sing to them. Have you ever heard "This is me" by Laurie Berkner? It is a very fun song that the librarian uses during story time to get all the kids moving around before they have to sit and read. I did my own little version, (along with descriptive actions...)

"This is [Little Man], This is [Little Man], I love [Little Man] and his energy...
He likes to jump up and down (jump, jump, jump)
He likes to race his cars (vroom, vroom, vroom)
He likes to run all around (run, run, run) 'cause he has energy
Oh, I love [Little Man], I love [Little Man], I love [Little Man] and his energy"

I knew I couldn't leave the two girls out, so I started in with Princess:

"This is [Princess], This is [Princess], I love [Princess] and her energy...
She likes to dance ballet (do-do-do-do-do-doooooo)
She likes to run and play (run, run, run)
She likes to act all crazy (blah, blah, blah) 'cause she has energy
Oh, I love [Princess], I love [Princess], I love [Princess] and her energy"

Not to be left out Pookie was already chanting "Me! Me! Me!" So, I went on:

"This is [Pookie], This is [Pookie], I love [Pookie] and her energy...
She likes to spin around (spin, spin, spin)
She likes to hop up and down (hop, hop, hop)
She likes to sing little songs (la, la, la) 'cause she has energy
Oh, I love [Pookie], I love [Pookie], I love [Pookie] and her energy"

The kids had a good laugh, and Little Man immediately started HIS own version:

"This is Mommy, This is Mommy, I love Mommy and her energy...
She likes to type on her computer (type, type, type)
She likes to watch movies (whoa, whoa, whoa)
She likes to lay in bed (sleep, sleep, sleep)

At this point, I interjected, "So, she can get more energy!" and we finished the song. The next day, as we were singing again, Princess wanted to add her own illustration of how I get energy, and said, "She likes to drink her coffee (sip, sip, sip)."

Now, as all this was going on, I was actually not having a very good week and was feeling quite sad about my kids' description of me. To fully appreciate the mommy guilt, you have to have a little background. For the previous two weeks I had been distracted by projects on the computer. I have a very tenacious personality, but sometimes I can be way too focused on one thing and not pay attention to the other things going on.

For example, we had lost the video of Pookie's "cosmetology" because the disc in the camera was bad. So, I had been moving our home videos into the computer so we would be able to capture more of those moments on the hard drive. I got into the middle of it...I had to be at the computer all the time to check if the last one had finished, start a new one, save them, label them with the correct dates, etc. I didn't just do a few of them so we would have room on the hard drive, I wanted them ALL done. Good goal...bad execution.

By the time we were singing our little lunchtime song, I had been feeling guilty about my inability to prioritize when I am in the middle of something. I thought, "What am I doing? These are things that can be done in pieces - I need to be present with my kids when they are around. I need to pay attention to them first." Their little version of our song made me think, "Is this what they notice about me? Is this what they will remember? I do so much for them...do they not know?"

After feeling guilty for a few days, I remembered a video a friend of mine had posted on her blog about the "invisible woman." You can watch it here:


In this video, she says that others may not see, but God sees. He knows our efforts and the sacrifices we make. I didn't notice until today, but at the end she says this, "They will never see - not if we do it right, not if we do it well." My kids should never feel the weight of the sacrifices I make for them.

As I thought about writing this, I remembered something from my childhood. A single time that I was encouraged by my Mom. This interaction came during a phase in my life that we really did not get along very well. I cannot tell you what we argued about during that time, I can't tell you what punishments I got; but, I can tell you about the t-shirt with the teddy bear and rainbow on it that she gave me as a "Thank you" for helping her around the house.

Maybe what my kids will remember is that one day, while making lunch, we sang and danced and laughed together making up songs about each other. Maybe that is what I should remember, too. Hopefully, that is the legacy I will leave.

Stones of Remembrance

For my Bible Study, we have been looking at the book of Joshua, which describes how God lead the Israelites through the Jordan (on dry ground) on their way into Canaan. God instructed the people to get 12 stones from the middle of the Jordan and set them up on the other side as a memorial to what God had done for them. When their children asked about the stones, they were to tell the children the testimonies of what God did for them. So, we are supposed to be thinking back on our life and remembering the things that God has done in our lives. As I have been looking back, it is fun to remember some of my stories. The teacher of this study, Beth Moore, also encouraged her students to write down these types of stories for their children and grandchildren. I thought, “Wow ! How cool would it be to have my parent’s stories written out to read?” So, I am thinking that I will start trying to write them down as I remember them so that my children can learn from them. Here are a few examples of stories I remember:

• When I was about 8, we had a family movie night and we were going to watch Star Wars. I was excited about the popcorn and soda - that pretty much made movie night! I was a little scared about Darth Vader, though. I wanted to sit with my Dad, but it was SO HOT and humid that he told me to sit on the floor with my brother and sister. (In his defense, he had no idea I was scared. *smile*) During one part of the movie, I was nervous, but felt comforted by the feeling of arms around me. It was then that I thought, “Wait, Dad said I couldn’t sit with him.” I looked down and I was sitting on the floor, no physical arms around me. It was one of the first times I remember feeling that God was real.

• When I was 16, I felt really ashamed about some things I had done. I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt and shame. I prayed and prayed, but could not stop thinking about what I had done. We had a “One Year Bible” that I picked up one day, and I read the verse from Luke, “Daughter, your faith has healed you, go in peace.” That was the first time I ever felt like a verse from the Bible spoke directly to my situation. I was overwhelmed by the idea that God could use a verse to speak to my situation. From that moment on, without trying, I didn’t think again about what I had done. It was like my guilt was gone.

• The last example is from my 20th birthday. The night before my birthday, I was a little depressed. I was going to have a very uneventful day for my birthday. The previous few years, I had really good birthdays, but this year I had to work in the morning, and had worship practice at church that night (I was going to a church an hour away, so I would not have a lot of time in between.) I was complaining to God about my coming day because it was going to come and go with no celebration. During my prayer time, I felt like I was supposed to pray and ask God to give me a teddy bear for my birthday. I had never really dated much, and I had never received a stuffed animal for my birthday, though all my friend’s boyfriends had done things like that for them. I did NOT want to pray for that, I thought it was ridiculous. I told God that. However, I was really uncomfortable and felt like I was being pushed to pray for a teddy bear. I finally decided I would never sleep if I didn’t just ask for it. So, I prayed, “Fine! God, I want you to give me a teddy bear for my birthday!” After I prayed that, I was peaceful and was able to go to sleep. I worked at a hotel, and when I got there in the morning, some of the construction workers that would stay with us every week had left me a birthday card, it was a nice surprise. (I love good surprises on my birthday!) When I got to the church that night, it was pretty empty. I looked around trying to figure out where everyone was, and my friend Joy came out of one of the smaller rooms to invite me in. She had planned a surprise party for me. Worship practice had been cancelled, but she made sure I did not find out. Guess what two of the girls from the youth group got me for my birthday? A teddy bear. I named him Chester, on the spot; which I thought was a strange choice. Later, I read what the name meant and found that the “suggested character quality” was, “Strong Defender.” The verse associated with it was, Psalm 31:3, “For Thou art my rock and my fortress: for Thy name’s sake lead me and guide me.” I really needed God to be that and do that for me in the few years that followed.

In our society of needing “proof” to believe in anything, I know these stories may seem to be “coincidence” or some could have been in my “imagination.” However, I lived through them. There are so many other stories that have happened that prove to me that there could not be that many coincidences without someone to guide them.

This past Sunday, we sang a song that included these lines:

“All of my life, in every season, You are still God.

I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.”

As I had already started writing this, I found it interesting that we sang a song about God being in every season of our lives. Another coincidence? Maybe. Maybe the worship leader knew what we were covering in our women’s Bible study. No matter how it came about, it made me think about my life even more. Even the times when I have been at my lowest, I can point to people or circumstances that God used to comfort me in those situations. I had a reason to worship, and even sing, during those times. In the good times, I have clearly seen the faithfulness of God and they also gave me a reason to rejoice, sing and worship.

What about you? Do you have any “God stories”? Times that you have seen God active in your life? If you have children, have they heard these stories? Have you written them down for their future encouragement? If you have stories, and they are not yet written down, I encourage you to think about doing that. It has been such a good thing for me to remember these testimonies of my own life and I think they will be fun for my kids to read later on in life. I don’t know everything my future holds, but there are some things that I know for certain are going to happen that I can’t wait for and others that I dread ever coming. Knowing that God has been there in the good and bad times of the past gives me comfort and hope that I will not have to walk into anything in my future on my own.