Hello Mornings

I have still been involved with the accountability group for the Hello Mornings challenge, but the summer has looked much different than the rest of the year.  I have failed in almost every aspect of doing this challenge that you could.  When I struggled through sickness last winter, I lost my momentum and never really got it back.  My normal reaction to such failure is to quit.  I mean, if it isn’t working, why keep trying?  So why am I planning to keep going in the Fall?  Because it has still had a positive affect on my life.

I Read My Bible More

One “success” that I have definitely had through the encouragement of this group is time reading the Bible.  When I am in a routine, I find time to read the Bible easily.  I love to have those quiet times of reading and reflection.  I enjoy the mental stimulation of pulling apart each section of the reading to learn from it and I gain a sense of peace that seems to carry me throughout the day. There have been so many times in my life, though, that I just got overwhelmed with my day to day activities.  When that happens, I find myself putting out fires that I had not anticipated and important things like reading the Bible get left out…especially if I happen to be reading through the genealogies in the Old Testament.  Directly as a result of the other women posting their study thoughts each day, I was constantly reminded while on Facebook (a great time sucker!) to get back to what was important.  I got back into my Chronological Reading plan, stealing little moments of reading throughout the day.  I was actually reading more than the plan calls for each day.  At first, I was a little discouraged that I wasn’t getting any really cool insights.  Then one night I realized that since I had started reading the Bible consistently again I was thinking more clearly.  I was remembering teaching moments, prayers and song lyrics that had spoken to me over the previous months right when I needed to remember them.  I was choosing more wisely how to spend my time and I was more willing and able to take action on the unpleasant things that needed to be done without having to give myself a pep talk.  (Been there?)  As with the Bible in 90 Days challenge, when I read my Bible I was more open and receptive to hearing God’s voice. 

I Learn From the Group

I have been so encouraged by the others in the group as we all stumble through this together. It is very encouraging to know that everyone else has rough spots, too. We all fail. We all fall short of our goals for ourselves. But we are all learning things as we go. We are encouraging one another as we go. One person posted a song called “Holy Captivating” that was particularly touching for her one day, and I had never really heard anything by the artist – Nicole C. Mullen. Not only have I played that song countless times since hearing it that day, but my daughter has decided another of Mullen’s songs is her favorite, too.  It is really encouraging to hear your 7 year old singing, “When I call on Jesus all things are possible!” at the top of her lungs.

God’s Voice is More Clear

Even when I don’t get up on time, exercise or have a long quiet time in the morning, I have still had a focus on reading the Bible and praying throughout the day. One of the times I was praying at the end of the last session, a line from the song above ran through my head.

“I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself.  I could choose not to move, but I refuse.” 

The song is actually referring to reaching out to lost and hurting people, but that day it convicted me about my life at home. I can’t tell you how many times I have refused to do something at home because I thought it was someone else’s job. I don’t think it was always a conscious decision, but as a direct result of hearing this song I was convicted that I was sitting around and waiting for someone else to do the hard jobs.  I got motivated and cleaned out a cooler in June that had been sitting around for months! It is amazing the freedom that comes when you just get done that thing that has been bugging you. It also is amazing the kind of momentum that gets going when you refuse to “just sit around and wait for someone else.”  Not only did I get moving, but Ryan did, too.  We have had an amazingly productive summer – getting things done that have been on our “to do” list for years.

The other example of how reading the Bible has made me more “in tune” with God was a time when God brought to my memory a quote from a seminar.  I had attended a Homeschool Convention in May that included some classes by Kirk Martin of Calm Christian Parenting.  He had some really good insights.  One morning, as the children decided to all have meltdowns while I was in the shower and could not “control” them, I was reminded of a quote from Martin.  “You can only control one person and that is yourself.”  What perfect timing!  I could have gotten upset, and gone in there with an angry outburst of my own, but God was giving me time to step back and be the peacemaker instead of escalating the situation with my own anger.  (This is something we have been working on with the kids.  I will ask them, “Are you being a peacemaker, or are you escalating the situation and making it worse?”)  I am so grateful that He helped me to see a time that I was about to make things worse!

As for my “failure,” I think another line from a Josh Wilson song sums it up quite nicely.  “How can I come to the end of me and somehow still have all I need.”  God is everything I need for life.  If I focus on Him, everything else always falls into place.

So, I am excited to start the Fall session of Hello Mornings.  Not because I have grand visions of being "successful" in meeting all my goals this time, or of conquering all my shortcomings from the past, but because I know I will be changed through the focus on prayer and Bible reading and the mutual encouragement that comes from being accountable to others.  If I am able to accomplish my goals, I will take that, too!

Hello Mornings - Messy Middle

I think I have referred to the "Messy Middle" before.  It is a term I first heard from Donna Otto at Homemaker's By Choice.  She described how she likes to start something new - it is fun and you are full of anticipation.  She also likes to finish something - it brings the sense of accomplishment that you have achieved something.  But, the phase of hard work in between the starting and the finishing is the "messy middle."  It is that place where things are not so fun or exciting, that place of monotony and challenge that you have to work through if you are to reach that place of finishing strong.

This is exactly where I have found myself in the Hello Mornings challenge.  I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person.  So when I jumped into this challenge, I did so with complete abandon.  I was surprised how good it felt to be getting up in the morning, reading my Bible and exercising. When I faced the kids in the morning, it was with a cheerful attitude - even if they interrupted me or were misbehaving.  The afternoons were not so pretty, as I was exhausted from poor discipline in the evenings.  I was still staying up way too late.  Still, I felt I was succeeding. 

Then, my knees started hurting from the morning exercise...

Then, I gave myself the weekend to recover from my late nights and lack of discipline... 

Then, I got sick...

The days I made myself push through and get up, I ended up feeling ill the whole day - dizziness, headaches, nausea.  So, I let myself have a break; but I felt like a failure.  I did not give up on the idea, and still have not.  But my momentum is gone.  I am starting over.  Only this time, I am missing that sense of starting something new, and instead have the discouragement from my failure to perform.  This has been really difficult for me, and yet I am so thankful I "failed." 

Why?  Well, if this is going to be a long term change, I will fail.  I will have times when I cannot find the strength to do what I know I want to do.  And during these last few weeks, I have received so many encouragements from unrelated sources that show me that I can survive the low periods and NOT GIVE UP.  That is the only thing that can  stop this positive change God wants to perform in my life - if I give in to the voice of the accuser (did you know that is what Satan means?) telling me, "You failed.  It is over."

Here's the thing.  God hasn't given up cheering for me from the sidelines.  He is still there supporting me.  And He doesn't care if I win or lose this "game".  If I "fail" at this Hello Mornings Challenge, He still wants me to try.  What he cares about is how I play.  If it were just my efforts that mattered I may win the game, I may lose it, but the Hello Mornings Challenge is not what matters.  The character that God wants to work in my life is what matters.  Jesus paid the price for my life.  I will NEVER perform well enough or consistently enough to win every challenge.  I will NEVER be righteous enough to make it into heaven on my own merit.  I need Jesus to play the game for me.  That doesn't mean that I just don't try anymore - it means that I try my best and allow Him to pick me up when I fall.  That is hard for me.  I want to do it on my own.  I want to perfect my game and succeed on my own terms.  If I could do that, though, I would not need Him. I don't ever want to get to the place where I believe that I don't need Him.  I want to get to the place where I am absolutely dependent on Him.  For that reason, I am so glad I failed.  So glad that He has continued to encourage me when He knows I would rather quit and accept defeat.

There are also reasons that I hate that I failed, so I will talk about those next time.  But I will leave this time with one of the encouraging words I read that came from a discussion about budgeting, of all things. 

"Victory Over the Lack of Discipline

  Discipline and self-control must be applied one day at a time.  If you can establish one daily discipline and stick with it for three weeks, you will form a new habit that will lead to the ability to become more disciplined in every area of your life.
  A spiritual battle will be waged to keep you from believing that you can be disciplined.  The Enemy wants to rob you of the fruit of the Holy Spirit and cause you to constantly feel defeated when it comes to areas of weakness.  Make this a matter of daily prayer, asking God to help you live one day at a time, to give you self-control and perseverance.
  Like any endeavor, you may experience discouraging setbacks, frustrations or obstacles.  That is when you must not give in to the temptation to quit.  It will be far more encouraging at the end of the year if it simply takes you longer or a few more attempts to achieve your goals than if you had quit early on."

Chuck Bentley, Crown Do Well Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 1, article Stay the Course, italics added.

Hello Mornings - A Month In

There is one song that I did not include in my last update about this challenge. I am glad, though.  The experiences that I have had over the last few weeks have confirmed some of the things that this song made me realize about this challenge. Here is the update I posted on the day I listened to this song:

My favorite Song today:

Definition of Me - Steven Curtis Chapman
(The link above goes to a video, though I don't like the version.  The link I included at the time on Facebook was much better, but has been removed from YouTube.)

"Here come those little thoughts
of all I ought to be but I'm not
I try talking to myself
but I'm still not convinced
I'm good, I'm bad, I'm everything in between
I'm this, I'm that, but really God we both know

It is Your love that defines me
and Your love that reminds me
it's not what I do"

When I was listening to this, I knew it was "Your love that reminds me," but I kept hearing it, "Your love that REFINES me, it's not what I do."

This whole process is a refinement, and it was such a comfort to realize that it is not MY EFFORTS that are refining me, but the power of JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT'S work in my life that are making any change possible.

I have come to the realization that I can, by sheer willpower, make changes in my everyday schedule. The real reason I am doing this, though, is not just to have more order in my life, but to put Jesus first. I want to look at Him, my husband and my children as being more important than myself. The reason I thought, "I don't want to live like this" in the past was not just because I was tired but because I was spiritually weary. I was not receiving strength from my times with God and therefore was walking through life on my strength alone. It takes it's toll on my patience, on my level of self-discipline, on my energy - every area of my life. Kat, from Inspired to Action where the Hello Mornings Challenge originated, visited our Facebook group and posted something that worded it perfectly for me.

"But this isn't about trying harder, really. This is simply about putting ourselves in a position to hear Him and receive His grace to be the best moms we can be." 

Amen!

Here are some thoughts I have jotted down at random times over the last few weeks:

John 15:5 - "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

This verse confirmed to me my feelings on willpower. Yes, I can power through this challenge; but it will not change my heart. If I remain in Christ, not only will my schedule change, but I will change. The week after I heard this verse at church, my Pastor said something like this, "Happy thoughts will not help you...they may get you through the moment, but they won't change you.  But hope - that changes us." My hope is not just for my mornings, it is that I will be transformed by the power of God into someone who is more like Jesus.  My hope is that when I step into Heaven, I will really have done everything I can to hear the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

2 Peter 1:5-9 - "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."

 I need to "make every effort" to make the changes that I feel God is asking me to, so there is discipline involved. I want this to be a life change, but that doesn't mean I just want to get up at 6am for the rest of my life.  I want the commitment of obedience to Christ to be my life change.

As I was considering these areas of change , I ran across an article about an amazing story about an Olympic athlete. I was impressed and wanted to learn more about him personally. It was very sad for me to learn that this person's marriage had ended because of their infidelity.  Why is it that people of such strong discipline in some areas - physical, professional, etc - can be so very lacking in the disciplines of character?  I think it is because we can have self discipline without relying on God to change us from the inside out.  I want Him to change my character, my values, my heart - until I want what He wants.  This journey, for me, began long before I can remember and it will continue probably for the rest of my life.

Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

I am still impatient with my kids.  I am still not getting enough rest.  I am still not so great at getting up.  I worry about facing the times I am sick or I am traveling.  Will I even have the desire to obey at those times?  I don't know.  What I do know is that He has begun a good work in my life, and I trust Him to finish it.

Hello, Mornings!

So, I've started it - the Hello Mornings Challenge. I know that it may come as a shock to those of you who don't know me, but I usually get up late every morning. Yep, my dear husband has been the one who gets up and takes the kids every morning while I sleep in. I only have to get up when he leaves for work, or his home office. I have been spoiled.

Ryan and I have always agreed that I would take any child-related duties until about 4am, He would take them between 4am and 7am. He ended up feeding them breakfast because he was used to eating early. As the kids got older, we started having late night/early morning visitors who knew Mom would have mercy on them and let them get into the bed. I didn't get much peace until they went to eat with Dad. It got to the point where I would wait until he was feeding them to actually sleep peacefully for an hour or more. I was sleeping way too late, and waking up to crazy activity that I was too groggy to deal with. I have been trying to change this for a long time, but I was not having any success. I thought, "When I train myself to go to bed earlier, then I will get up early." or "I will set my alarm for a half hour earlier and try to work my way back." I also wasn't sure what to do when I got up. I wanted to use the time to read my Bible, but sitting on the couch quietly was guaranteed to put me back to sleep. A nice hot shower was out of the question, as well. I wanted to be exercising more, eating right, planning my days, doing cleaning projects...the list was endless. What was I going to implement as my daily routine?

Enter the Hello Mornings challenge from Kat at Inspired to Action, and my good friend Jen. Jen told me months ago about how good the challenge had been for her, and suggested I check out the website. I loved the idea of "waking up FOR your children, not TO your children." Waking up FOR your children means being ready for them when they get up, waking up TO your children was the crazy activity I was already experiencing. I looked forward to finding information that would help me do that, but never did check it out. A few weeks ago, Jen invited me to do the challenge with her and I immediately agreed. I was added to a Facebook group for the purpose of accountability.

I was not optimistic about my ability to get up early, so I wanted to try this out before the challenge started so that I would have a head start. I set my alarm for 6:30 and planned to make the change! I had heard someone talking about their prayer times while walking/exercising and I thought, "Of course! Do quiet time while exercising!" So, I even knew what I would do when I got up. The first day? FAIL. There was a child in the bed when I woke up and I rushed to turn off the alarm so they would not wake up. Second day? FAIL. Two children in the bed when I awoke. I took a break for the weekend and decided to try again Monday.

Sunday night I asked Ryan if he thought I would beat the kid traffic if I set the alarm for 6:00 instead. I decided to try it. First day? SUCCESS. Wow. I was surprised. Second day? Stayed up too late the night before and still, SUCCESS. Third day, stayed up too late again and still, SUCCESS. I knew that exercise upon waking was going to be important, but who knew that setting the alarm earlier than I thought I could get up would end up being good for me? Yes, it is only day six, and only 6 am. But I have not missed a day yet. The peace and encouragement I have felt are worth it, the accountability is motivating, and the duration of the challenge is long enough to help this be a lasting good habit. Who knows, maybe I will

I thought I would end with some of the thoughts and songs I have shared with my accountability group. I hope you find some encouragement for whatever YOU are working on in your life, too.


Facebook Updates:

Day 1 - I am on the treadmill right now...I am shocked. Gonna do some Bible reading now. =0)
Day 3 - I can remember thinking over the last year, late at night when I finally got to bed, "I don't want my life to be like this!" I never got up early enough in the morning, never exercised, and wasn't eating right. Since the first, I have been keeping track of what I eat and have noticed a difference in how I feel. Then, this morning, I was getting ready to get on the treadmill and I thought, "Some people live like this. They do this every day!" It was so peaceful to wake up in the morning and I thought, "I want my life to be like this." I will have to remember this over the next few months, because I know this challenge will be harder for me as time goes on.
Day 5 - I was reading the Hello Mornings ebook yesterday, and I am glad I did. If I had not read the lines, "Get out of bed...Tell yourself that's all you have to do," I don't think I would have made it today.

Songs that spoke to me this week, along with some lyrics from them:

This is Your Life, by Out of Eden

"This is your life God knows what it's meant to be
Know you've got a destiny; time is now so won't you see
This is your life no more waiting to begin
Have some faith and know you'll win...

Put on your best foot and step forward
Knowing that God will see you through
So when you get tired and you feel a little faint
Know somebody's watching you and will help you on your way."

Strong Enough, by Matthew West

"I know that I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be....Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough...for both of us"

One Heartbeat at a Time, by Steven Curtis Chapman  (If you're a Mom, just listen to the whole thing!)

Misunderstood

I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I don't.  It went something like this, "If you are going to live for Christ, you have to be willing to be misunderstood." One of my dearest friends, Andi, shared with me this quote which she had been challenged by.  I just remember thinking, "Wow!  That is hard."  This whole idea of being misunderstood is still hard for me.

I love words.  Anyone that knows me knows that I will tell the whole backstory to any little thing just so you understand why I am telling you about something.  I remember my first Christmas with my husband's family...I think I wore some of them out trying to share with them why some of the items he gave me were so funny.  I just wanted them to know a little about me, a little about us.  They lived far away and didn't really get to see us in our new life together, and they didn't really know me at all.  In addition to backstory, I also tend to replay past conversations in my head trying to find what else I could have said to get my point across more effectively.  I think I want to learn from those conversations so I don't make the same mistake again.

I realized after my last post that if my blog is going to reflect me, and my relationship with Christ, I am going to have to be okay with the fact that I am not perfect and with people possibly misunderstanding my words or motives.  My last post referenced a song that I love.  It is a reminder to me of the reason I work at my marriage, and why I need to be diligent in guarding my thoughts and actions in every area.  Although I usually think about my posts for quite a while and edit and re-edit them over and over (I am currently on my fourth time reading through this one, and this is just a note in my iPod right now!), in that post I thought I would share what I was thinking without the barrage of edits and re-writes.  When I looked the next day, I had a few comments.  One was from a friend that was a great reminder along the lines of the adage "when you point the finger at someone else, there are three more pointing at you".  I don't think she meant it as a rebuttal of anything I had said, but I immediately thought, "oh, that is not what I meant by...". I went back and typed up a comment that explained the "back story".  I still think that my heart in the whole matter could be misunderstood if you were reading my blog from a different background or point of view.  So, in five years you may find me with a thoughtful look on my face...I will be trying to figure out what my post or follow up comment should have said.

Am I okay with being misunderstood?  It  was a little surprising to me to find that I am still struggling with that question.  Who knew I still wanted everyone to be happy with me and to like me?  Didn't that insecurity end with adulthood?  Shouldn't it have ended when I realized I was blessed and contented with my life?  I guess not.

So, I just want to say:  I am going to write what I think and what I feel.  I will not always be right.  I may sound judgmental. I once took a character test to see who I was most like in the Bible...I didn't even know who Deborah was, at the time. She was a judge, and I can't say that I am really surprised that answer came up for me. I see issues in black and white, so sounding judgemental when I talk about them is just one of the rough spots God is still working on in me.  While I see issues in black and white, I don't see people that way.  I may disagree with you, but I will still accept you.  I may heatedly debate a point, only to see your side later.  It is just the way my mind works.  I am always open to feedback that I will carry into my prayer closet and ask God about.  I trust Him to guide me into all truth, even if it turns out that I was wrong about something.

So, I will keep writing.  I will keep sharing my thoughts.  Just don't be surprised if you see them change and shift over time.  God isn't finished with me, yet, and I am so grateful for his patient guidance.

Bible in 90 Days - What was it like?

I did not intend for my 90 days of Bible reading to turn into a 90+ day sabbatical from blogging, but that is what it turned into.  It was not all because of the dedication to reading, though that did take up much of my time.  I just found to be true what my husband said before I started - "You are going to have to give something up."  Blogging is just one of those things I gave up.

So, what was it like?  Well, reading the Bible in 90 days was, in a word, intense!  It was overwhelming, wonderful, difficult, enlightening and joyful.  Although I gave things up that I enjoy in order to read, I am so glad that I did it.  I did fall behind from time to time, and on the last week I was two weeks behind schedule.  I did some really intense reading and finished on my deadline.  I did mess up my deadline, though.  For some reason, I had put in April 4th, instead of April 2nd.  So, technically, I did the reading in 92 days!  I wanted to write down some of the thoughts that I had about the experience so that I would remember it.  I am also hoping that it might be an encouragement to someone else to take the challenge on, even if they think it will be hard.  Here are some of my reflections on this time:

• There is a LOT of repetition in the Bible
  
  I knew that Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all told the same story in different ways, and from different perspectives, but I don't know that I put together how much of the Old Testament repeats the same information in different ways.  I read a lot on my iPod (more on that, later) and I found that it was better to start new books by reading the synopsis of the purpose of the book in my Study Bible before reading the whole book.  It helped to frame out what the book was and why it was important, so I knew why I was reading about the same King for the third time!
• I don't need an "Aha!" moment every time I read the Bible for it to affect my life
  
  I am used to reading the Bible for study purposes or to meditate on it.  I would get really disappointed if I didn't feel I had gotten some sort of revelation from my time reading.  In this challenge, I had to let go of that because I had to just try to keep up with the reading.  What I found, though, was that just reading the Bible each day affected my attitudes, my speech, my thought life...It really brought home that God's Word is truly alive and active (Heb 4:12).  My mind does not have to understand it any better for it to change my life.
• I never found my "groove"
  
  When I began this challenge, I was hoping that I would be forced to find a time in my day that would be consistent to read.  Instead, I found that I had to find time wherever I could.  I sometimes had to make decisions to skip housework in the evenings to catch up, or grab my iPod whenever I could get a few words read; but I never did really find a consistent reading time.  I also learned, though, that that is okay.  If all I can do is read a little every chance I get, it is enough!
• I could not have done it without support. 
  
  Ryan was a great supporter during this time.  He did extra housework for me and encouraged me when I wasn't sure how I would catch up.  The last night that I read, Ryan actually took over all the night time duties with the kids so that I could finish.
  I am also so glad that I had to be accountable.  I am grateful for my team leader, Laura, and Amy at Mom's Toolbox who provided the challenge and check-in opportunities.  I would never have finished without them.

• Tools
  
  As I said, before, I read a lot of my readings on my iPod.  I found a website and iPod app called "You Version."  I was able to sign up for the "Bible in 90 Days" reading plan right from their website and it would check off the chapters for me as I read them on my iPod.  You can also change the dates for the reading plans to customize them even further.  There were a few glitches with getting started and using the app, but overall it was a great help.  I would have liked having the plan from You Version printable, but I was able to print the copy from Mom's toolbox.  I found that keeping the printed reading plan in multiple places was helpful.  I had Bibles in different parts of the house and it was helpful to have a copy of the reading plan with it to help me remember approximately where I was.
• The pressure of not finishing is gone!
  
  I have tried to read the Bible cover to cover so many times and never actually finished.  Upon finishing the 90 days, Ryan and I began reading through the Bible together on the Chronological plan and I am finding there is not the same pressure to "perform" as I have had in the past.  I am not afraid of not finishing.  I am not afraid I won't be able to do it.  If I fall behind, I know I can catch up - I have done it now on a much tighter schedule.  I also am finding that I am putting people and places together more than I have before.  Reading it all in such a tight time frame gives a perspective on people and places because you have not forgotten the background and history before you move on to the next parts of the Bible.

I enjoyed this experience on so many levels.  I am covering Greek history with Princess in school right now, and it was amazing to read through the New Testament while reviewing the history of the time period.  It changed the experience of reading it.  There were also times that I read things and thought, "Wow!  The kids just asked me about that and now I have an answer from the Bible that I can point them to."  Ryan and I chose the Chronological plan this time because I want to see how the overlapping history of the Old Testament looks side by side.  We are about one month in, and I can already tell it is going to be a good experience for us both.  I am excited to see what the experience will bring out of God's Word this time around.

In the time I have been "gone" from my little bloggy world, so many things have happened!  I look forward to sharing some of the things we have done around here over the last few months, as we have had some good times.  I also have been using the last month to read some of the books I skipped out on during my Bible reading months, so I hope to share my thoughts on those, too.  Ah...it is good to be back!

Bible in 90 Days challenge

I had decided in December that I was not going to make any resolutions for the new year.  I just wanted to refocus on the goals I was already working toward.  So, no real changes...just back to life after vacation.  There are a few areas I will continue to focus on:  Making sure to actually eat during the day, paying attention to our budget so that we can plan better, planning my time instead of reacting, and getting the schoolroom more organized and streamlined.  As January approached, I read from Amy at Raising Olives about reading the Bible in 90 days.  I had never heard of that reading plan before.  I was intrigued.  I decided to check it out.

My first reaction to the idea of reading the Bible in 90 days was that if I started it, I may actually get through the Bible in a year.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I thought maybe this was a good idea for me.  Here are some of the questions and thoughts that have come up as I embark on this challenge.

Why read the entire Bible, just to say you did it?  - Although I have not actually read the Bible cover to cover, this is not the primary reason why I am reading it.  I think that we are affected by everything that we put into our minds - TV, movies, books, magazines, even conversations we have with others.  I have had a difficult time really studying the bible, of late, so I haven't been reading very much of it at all.  I liked the idea of reading "straight through from Genesis to Revelation, just a like a novel."  This is not a study program, it is a reading program.  I think this is good because we are told in 1 John 4:1 to "test the spirits" to see if they are of God; but how are we to know if something lines up with the word of God if we are not familiar with it?  I want to read the whole Bible so that I will be familiar with the word of God, so  I will know Him more fully.

Why try to finish in 90 days?  As I said before, I hoped that by setting the goal of 90 days I would actually finish sometime this year.  However, as I have read more, and started the challenge, I think I might actually make my goal of 90 days.  One of the reasons for this is just my nature.  When I have a difficult deadline, I usually accomplish more.  I think that is why I liked my accelerated degree program when I was in college and why I find life easier with three children than just two (most days... *smile*).  I also signed up early enough to have a mentor, which builds in accountability.  I need this!  Knowing that I have a group of people doing this with me, and that I need to check in every week, gives me motivation.  I love that they are encouraging whether you are up to date or not.  Amy at Mom's Toolbox, whose blog is the hub of this challenge, took 97 days to read it the first time.  My mentor, Laura, fell behind and ended up reading about 2/3 in 30 days.  So, I know that I will not be condemned if I fall behind.

When I told my husband that I wanted to do this challenge, his response was, "You are going to have to give something up."  He is right...I will have to give up time spent on other things to accomplish this.  I think this will be good, too.  I have wanted to have a consistent quiet time, but have not found my groove with that.  It takes 20 days to make a habit, so I am hoping 90 days will really make it stick!

I don't really think of this as a "resolution," but it is a commitment.  I am four days into the challenge, and I am really enjoying it.  It is not too late to join, there is plenty of time to catch up or go a few days over the end date set.  If you are interested in learning more, you can visit the FAQ page at Mom's Toolbox to see how to link up.  I don't think there are mentor groups to join, but I think you still check in on the main page.  They also have connections through Twitter and Facebook that are helpful reminders.  If you do decide to do the challenge, let me know.  I would love to have some friends do it with me.

Marriage - What I am Reading

Well, my computer has been having issues...my wonderful husband has been trying to help me, and I think everything is good, but we will just have to wait and see.  So, since I have not been able to get in here, I have not been able to schedule my posts for this week, as I did last week.  (I know...you were wondering how I was so good about writing last week, huh?  I love this scheduling thing!)

So, for today, I thought I would share a few posts I have read recently because I love what they had to say about marriage.  I have been thinking of writing some posts on marriage, but I have read two really good ones this week.  These women have had very different experiences than I have, but I thought it would be good to share their thoughts as I get some of mine worked out.  I learned a thing or two from each of them.  I hope you read them!

From Courtney over at Storing Up Treasures:
Talking about the M Word - Part 2

From mckmama at My Charming Kids.net:
Faking It

What's in the Suitcase? - Part 1

One of the things I hear all the time is, "They are going to (hear, see, experience) it at some point.  You can't protect them forever."  It can be anything from bad language or behavior to outright evil acts.  I know myself and if I had no other influences then I would shield my children from any negativity in life.  However, I have also seen the results of some of this kind of "protection" - children who are thrust into adulthood never having learned to cope with the realities of the disappointments, pain and sin that are realities in our world.  I am, therefore, thankful for a husband who thinks differently than I do.  I am also thankful that there are many people who question my "overprotective" tendencies because it makes me think through WHY I am protecting my kids, and WHAT I want to protect them from.  I don't have that all figured out, yet.  But here are some thoughts I have had about it.

"What is sex sin?" - Thankfully, this is not a question I have been asked, yet.  I am thankful to have read the response of a very wise father whose answer really frames my philosophy on protecting my kids and is an example of how I want to relate with them.  The question was asked by a young (somewhere around 5 or 7 years old) Corrie Ten Boom.  Here is how she describes the situation in her book, "The Hiding Place."

"And so seated next to my father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, "Father, what is sex sin?"

He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case off the floor and set it on the floor.

“Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said.

I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.

“It's too heavy," I said.

“Yes," he said, "and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you."

His last statement frames my beliefs on children and knowledge.  There are things that they just are not able to handle, yet.  As they get older, they will be able to handle more and it is part of my job to decide when they are able to handle different subjects and how much detail should really be shared in my answers to them.

There are other things I like about the wisdom her father showed, but that will have to wait for another post!

A Piece of Paper

It has been a long time since I have blogged and I can't tell you how many times I have thought of my next entry beginning with, "I am a lazy blogger..." However, as I thought about it, I realized that the statement is not true. I actually have just been reevaluating my priorities, and this one has been placed right where it needs to be.

A while back, I wrote this post about doing what needs to be done, even when I didn't feel like it. Many times, when the housework was overwhelming to look at, I would escape to the computer. (In fact, while typing this, I realized I was doing that and left to finish the dishes before typing again...)  Usually, at those times, I am tired, so I didn't feel like trying to make sense of my thoughts.  Because of that, I would not blog a whole lot until blogging would become the thing on my to-do list that made me feel most guilty. One night, I realized - "This blog is for me - first and foremost - then for the people reading it." I had been so worried about the people who might want to be catching up on the goings-on here that I began to feel pressured. Nothing closes me up in communication more than that kind of pressure! I was paralyzing myself.

Really my lack of writing has been a return to my purpose - write about what is important to me at any given moment - and a return to my priorities - I have been following through on projects that have needed to be done for years. In the time I have been "gone," I have been more committed to keeping things tidy, cleaned out my kitchen, clothes closets and drawers, and gotten into a more comfortable rhythm in our homeschool. These real daily-living priorities have to come first; writing about all the memories along the way is secondary.

I have also discovered something else about myself...I am a paper kind of girl. In our ever-increasing "paperless" (yeah, right!) society, I actually like putting pen to paper to write out my ideas. (If I had realized that over the last few months, there would be more here. My computer was in need of repair and there was no way I was texting all of my thoughts into my iPod!) I think there are two reasons I like paper. First, when I turn on the computer, it is like sitting in the middle of my house and trying not to notice all the stuff that needs to be done. There are so. many. distractions. "I have to check my email...oh, yeah, did that bill get paid?...Hey, I wonder what (insert blogger here) wrote about today.  Add to this that I always am on the computer in the middle of the house, and there are a million other distractions...background noise, messes I *should* be cleaning, projects I could be working on...It is really hard to focus on making a clear sentence in that environment.

Second, there is something so clean and fresh and personal about writing out thoughts on a blank sheet of paper. It is like the quote from Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."  That is what an empty piece of paper feels like.  There is nothing distracting there. No demands are made on me there. The words flow out in my own handwriting, instead of one of the seven fonts I can choose from here.  (Actually, it is probably good there are only seven...I easily spend hours finding the right font for invitations and such - I even made a spreadsheet that allows me to type a word and see it in 125 different fonts...I still sometimes look for a new one!  How much time would I waste here???)  It is so nice to not have to think about typos or making the writing sound right...I can worry about that when I type it up.  With my tendency to "rabbit trail," it is nice to just be able to flip the page and write a quick thought for later, and not really miss a beat on writing my current thoughts.

There are a lot of things running through my head that I will likely share at some point.  I am not going to worry about when.  I am not going to worry about how long or short of a post I write.  I will write about what I am thinking about and, hopefully, it will be something my friends and family will enjoy reading.  In the meantime, you can rest assured that my ideas will be written out somewhere on a piece of paper way before you see them here, and my kitchen will likely be clean.

Energy

One night last week, as I was finishing up putting the kids to bed, I looked around the house...Ugh! There was still so much to do! I thought, "I can't do it tonight! I just don't have the energy." I figured I would catch up on my work "tomorrow." All of a sudden, I had this thought, "Who said I had to have energy to do this? It may take me longer, but I can still do it." It was like a strange, and unwanted, revelation. However, I realized that I had been shirking my responsibilities all too often because I just "didn't have the energy." I decided to get to work. Yes, it did take me longer, but that is okay. The reality is, there probably would never have been a time that I was energetic and happy to do the work that needed to be done. Work is just that...WORK. You can't just call in to your career job and say, "Well, you know...I am just not feelin' it today. I'll be back in tomorrow, though, for payday..."

It is times like this that I start to feel like it really does matter what you are watching, reading and listening to. What was I reading at the time? "In the Presence of My Enemies" by Gracia Burnham and "Missionary Stories with the Millers" by M. Martin. These stories are full of TRULY harrowing situations that people lived in. The Burnhams were on the verge of starvation, yet they still had to run through jungles and climb mountains in the bush. In one of the missionary stories, a mother had to leave her two young daughters in a field on a pitch black night with jaguars prowling around so that she could run blindly in the dark trying to find help. She was exhausted, too. Was she going to leave that undone? Boy did that put my situation in a more adequate light!

What if I had been reading one of the "Mothers need 'me time'" articles? I can guarantee you I would not have finished the work that night. =0) There would have been something missing, though - I would not have felt any sense of accomplishment. I would have gotten up the next morning with more to do. Because I was able to plow through and get it done, I actually had that sense of accomplishment and an opportunity to get ahead the next day.

Do I think moms need "me time"? Yes, I do. However, I think we have to be careful how much indulgence we allow ourselves for that. If we let ourselves think that too much, we will tire ourselves out MORE. Think about it, when you have been lazy with your body, what do you need to do to get more energy? Work out! By not working your muscles enough, you have made yourself more tired. Doesn't it work the same way with responsibilities...or any other thing that requires discipline? The more we do what we should, the easier it gets to do it. The less we do what we should, the harder it gets and the less we want to do it.

Since I had this little thought, I have been trying to do my responsibilities more often...tired or not. I don't always do it...it is so much easier to go online and "work" on things here. However, I am finding that when I do the other work first, there is always time to get my computer time in, or read that book or blog. Not so true the other way around. Another thing I read recently, that I believe encouraged me in this area was a blog entry on Discipline by Amy at RaisingArrows.net. She describes on that post her own convictions about her late morning routines. That blog post described me perfectly. I think my mornings might be the next thing on the "learning discipline" roster! Hopefully, I will be able to get to a point where it no longer feels like work, but just feels like the routine.