How Will They Remember Me?

Every time I make a decision how to spend something, time or money or energy, I tend to second guess myself. That was definitely the case at lunch the other day.

So, we were getting ready for lunch. The kids were all around the table, and I was getting the food ready. I decided to sing to them. Have you ever heard "This is me" by Laurie Berkner? It is a very fun song that the librarian uses during story time to get all the kids moving around before they have to sit and read. I did my own little version, (along with descriptive actions...)

"This is [Little Man], This is [Little Man], I love [Little Man] and his energy...
He likes to jump up and down (jump, jump, jump)
He likes to race his cars (vroom, vroom, vroom)
He likes to run all around (run, run, run) 'cause he has energy
Oh, I love [Little Man], I love [Little Man], I love [Little Man] and his energy"

I knew I couldn't leave the two girls out, so I started in with Princess:

"This is [Princess], This is [Princess], I love [Princess] and her energy...
She likes to dance ballet (do-do-do-do-do-doooooo)
She likes to run and play (run, run, run)
She likes to act all crazy (blah, blah, blah) 'cause she has energy
Oh, I love [Princess], I love [Princess], I love [Princess] and her energy"

Not to be left out Pookie was already chanting "Me! Me! Me!" So, I went on:

"This is [Pookie], This is [Pookie], I love [Pookie] and her energy...
She likes to spin around (spin, spin, spin)
She likes to hop up and down (hop, hop, hop)
She likes to sing little songs (la, la, la) 'cause she has energy
Oh, I love [Pookie], I love [Pookie], I love [Pookie] and her energy"

The kids had a good laugh, and Little Man immediately started HIS own version:

"This is Mommy, This is Mommy, I love Mommy and her energy...
She likes to type on her computer (type, type, type)
She likes to watch movies (whoa, whoa, whoa)
She likes to lay in bed (sleep, sleep, sleep)

At this point, I interjected, "So, she can get more energy!" and we finished the song. The next day, as we were singing again, Princess wanted to add her own illustration of how I get energy, and said, "She likes to drink her coffee (sip, sip, sip)."

Now, as all this was going on, I was actually not having a very good week and was feeling quite sad about my kids' description of me. To fully appreciate the mommy guilt, you have to have a little background. For the previous two weeks I had been distracted by projects on the computer. I have a very tenacious personality, but sometimes I can be way too focused on one thing and not pay attention to the other things going on.

For example, we had lost the video of Pookie's "cosmetology" because the disc in the camera was bad. So, I had been moving our home videos into the computer so we would be able to capture more of those moments on the hard drive. I got into the middle of it...I had to be at the computer all the time to check if the last one had finished, start a new one, save them, label them with the correct dates, etc. I didn't just do a few of them so we would have room on the hard drive, I wanted them ALL done. Good goal...bad execution.

By the time we were singing our little lunchtime song, I had been feeling guilty about my inability to prioritize when I am in the middle of something. I thought, "What am I doing? These are things that can be done in pieces - I need to be present with my kids when they are around. I need to pay attention to them first." Their little version of our song made me think, "Is this what they notice about me? Is this what they will remember? I do so much for them...do they not know?"

After feeling guilty for a few days, I remembered a video a friend of mine had posted on her blog about the "invisible woman." You can watch it here:


In this video, she says that others may not see, but God sees. He knows our efforts and the sacrifices we make. I didn't notice until today, but at the end she says this, "They will never see - not if we do it right, not if we do it well." My kids should never feel the weight of the sacrifices I make for them.

As I thought about writing this, I remembered something from my childhood. A single time that I was encouraged by my Mom. This interaction came during a phase in my life that we really did not get along very well. I cannot tell you what we argued about during that time, I can't tell you what punishments I got; but, I can tell you about the t-shirt with the teddy bear and rainbow on it that she gave me as a "Thank you" for helping her around the house.

Maybe what my kids will remember is that one day, while making lunch, we sang and danced and laughed together making up songs about each other. Maybe that is what I should remember, too. Hopefully, that is the legacy I will leave.